Want to change them? Then stop trying.
Every Cosmo article ever written is geared towards making women feel like crap about who or how they are. They give tips on how to improve their make-up, hair, lifestyle. Women are living in a world where there's never a moment where they get to say: "OK, this is good enough." So we go out and join yoga classes, buy all the odd-ball foodstuffs for the newest fad diet and buy books on tape to learn new languages. We always want to change, to "self-improve."
Guess what? Men don't. They don't want to be dragged along with you to bend their bodies into pretzel shapes. They don't want to give up beer in order to lose 2 pounds. They don't want to listen to you harping on about how you never do new things together, they're happy enough with the old things. So leave them alone. Go out on your own, have fun, learn how to put your feet behind your head. If they see the fun results, they might just decide to join you. But you've got to make that their decision.
Just because he's got a female friend, doesn't mean he's fucking her (or wants to).
You've just landed yourself a great guy. He's kind, he's considerate, he listens to you. You find yourself wishing that more men were like him. Then you discover that there are other women thinking the same thing. GASP! He has female friends! You've got to end that shit right there and then, right?? Stomp your feet, badger him about where he goes with them or what he talks to them about, give him the old "It's either them or me!" threat?
Knock that shit off, Ms. Hypocrite. So many of us women maintain close friendships with men while we're dating someone and demand that our boyfriend understand. Yet so few of us are willing to concede him the same benefit. We're certain that he's screwing them behind our back, or that he wants to. Stop and use your brain for a moment. You know, that thing you used all the time before you became a couple? The very thing that drew you to him is going to be why he is able to maintain female friends. You're not physically attracted to your male friends, are you? So what makes you think that those women are physically attracted to your man? Step back, take a deep breath, and leave him alone about it. Being a demanding bitch is only going to get you dumped. Keep in mind that:
Not all men are ruled by their dicks.
That's right. Hard to believe after watching many of the movies & TV shows or reading through a copy of Maxim, but it's true. So stop treating them like they're uncontrollable sex fiends. Sure, when they're around you, they might always seem "at the ready," but have you ever considered that it's because they're really into you? That it's YOU who turns them on, and not just them having an automatic reaction to being around a vagina with a pulse?
It's true that men are very sexual creatures. It's true that when they're with a woman that they love they can't manage to keep their hands off of them. But they can actually function without sex. They don't go running around from place to place looking for an outlet that they can plug into. So many of my male friends tell me about how it's just as much mental as it is physical. I can't even remember the amount of times I've heard: "She could be the most beautiful women in the world, but if she opens her mouth and all I hear is 'duh duh duh', she's not going to get me hot." So give them a little more credit, will you?
Ulterior motives are completely a woman thing.
Men don't have them. Seriously. If a man says that he wants space, it's not an invitation to pepper him with questions about how he's feeling or what he's thinking. He's not secretly hoping that you'll give him more attention; He really just wants to be left alone! If he says he's happy, he is. If he says he's tired, he is. There's nothing more behind what he's saying.
This can also tie into compliments. Sure, there are plenty of times when men will compliment women in order to get a little "snoo snoo," but most of the time a compliment is just that: a compliment. No hidden agenda. If they say you have nice eyes, guess what? They think you have nice eyes! Not exactly the hardest thing in the world to figure out, now is it? So stop making something out of nothing and give a guy a break!
Romance is in the eye of the beholder.
Ok, so men (for the most part) suck at romantic gifts and gestures. They buy you shit you're not interested in, take you places you've never heard of and forget to buy a card! Who says this isn't romantic?
Let's take a look at the gift that he gave you. It has no meaning to you, but does it have meaning to him? A guy who loves to bowl might give you a bowling ball, something you'd sooner hurl at him than at the lanes. But that's just his attempt at including you in on something he loves. This is romantic to him. You're always bitching about how you don't spend enough time together, or taking up new hobbies for self-improvement. He thinks he's doing a good thing! So take a second look over a lousy gift and try to determine the meaning behind it. What might seem lame to you could very well have special meaning to him, which, let's face it girls, is kinda romantic.
If a guy is an asshole, it's your fault.
Well, it's our fault. The collective female population's fault. Men that are assholes very rarely are born that way. They're trained. Which gender is always trying to do the training? Yup, us girls. Whether it's a lousy maternal influence, lousy sister influence, or lousy first girlfriend influence, men get tainted quickly. Fuck them over bad enough, and they just carry that on to the next girl. Then the next, then the next.
More importantly though is our skewed vision of what a guy should be. We're always standing around screaming about how all guys are assholes. They're not. We turn them into ones by expecting them to do things that they're not capable of, to say things that they would never dream of saying. We're calling normal guys assholes because we've got unrealistic expectations. Even worse is when we get out girlfriends in the mix, chirping behind our shoulder that "He wasn't no good for you anyway!" or "Damn, you just know they're all like that!" Reeeeeeal helpful. Stop expecting so damn much, and maybe you won't always feel let down. Suddenly you might find yourself with a lot more choices and a lot less disappointment.
Just because men are simple, doesn't mean they're easy.
A lot of what I've mentioned here makes men sound like they're super straightfoward and simple. Most of the time, they are. Don't go assuming that they're all this way though. One of the biggest mistakes that we make about men is that we assume that they're all alike. Phrases like "Men are pigs," "Men are dogs," or any other variation on the male/animal comparision just perpetuate this myth. Men are as varied as women are, they're just a lot less complicated. They're easier to please, but what pleases them is not cut and dried.
Men should be just as respected for their differences as women are. I love that men are a blast to be around, and yet, are as different as snowflakes in their interests. Not all men like cars. Not all men watch football. Not all men want to watch "Old School." But all men have passion. All men would prefer to laugh over sulk. All men are worthy of love and respect in some form or another.
xoxo,
Niciun comentariu:
Trimiteți un comentariu